Rambling Stim

One of Aidan's new stim's is watching me type. So, as he was sitting next to me, having a great time watching my fingers, I just started typing to keep him entertained. I had no plan, but just typed whatever popped into my head, so take that into consideration while reading. I thought I would share what goes on in my mind, because autism is on my mind 24/7. There are many times where my thoughts are not so positive and are quite frankly quite dark, but those I keep close to the vest. Hope you enjoy a little ramble...

I love you, yes I do! You are my sweet boy and you are perfect in your own Aidan way.

You have the sweetest smile and I love it when you laugh!

You have the most expressive eyes and I want more than anything to know your thoughts. Your words will soon come and one day that dream will be realized.

One day we will be able to sit down and have a magical conversation and you can tell me anything you want. Everything you have ever wanted to tell me!

My world is better because you are in it. You have brought me what I needed and have shown me the true meaning of life.

I will always take care of you and try my best to give you everything you need and want. Sometimes it feels like I am not doing enough, but believe me when I tell you I have tried. Some days have been hard, but we are getting better, one day at a time. Keep being patient with me while I deal with my own issues. They have nothing to do with you; I am just trying to take care of myself while I fight my own demons. And please be patient while I try to be patient with the world. It has nothing to do with you, because you are perfect in your own Aidan way.

I hope you are happy and continue to be happy throughout your life. All I want is what is best for you and I am working hard to figure out what that is. If you don’t like something, let me know and I will do my best to make it right. If you need something, please let me know and I will get it for you.

I love you more than words can say. You are my teacher, my love. Please be patient with your student.

You want more typing, so here goes…

This has been the most difficult journey of my life. However, I do feel that everything I have done up to this point: becoming a CVT, working all those hours for a neurologist taught me what I needed to know technically what is going on, as well as prepared me for the long hours I have put in trying to figure this autism/Dup15q thing out. You know, it is really hard to type with you laying on my arm. Seriously hard. But that is OK, because I love to snuggle with you and I love that you want to touch me. Some Moms don’t have it that good. There are many things like that I am thankful for. It could be so much worse.

You are loving and affectionate. You are able to overcome your sensory issues to where we are able to go out in public. You try so very hard and I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished. Do you know I was afraid you would never walk? Now you run and do a quick-step while walking backwards! I couldn’t even do that! You are able to choose the movie you want to watch. You are dealing with school and the tasks that they want you to do. You have interests and like to bring us into what you like. You aren’t rigid – in fact you are very easygoing. Now you are leaning on my arm and drooling down it. Nice touch.

You are going to the potty and I know that diapers will be a thing of the past (by summer? At least in the day?).
You will eat almost anything, and we don’t have to worry about detoxing your little body. Oh, how hard that would be! You are healthy and strong and you are so beautiful! You sleep pretty well throughout the night, however I would like to see you sleep in until after 6am. 4am is much too early little man!

You are sleepy and Daddy should be home soon. I guess I’ll go empty the dishwasher!

Love you my sweet boy!!!